Mornings with Jack

The point of this post is not to get sympathy- I love my little boy and I am very thankful for him just the way he is.  This life is all that I know and I have grown accustomed to it.  Do I still have days where I cry or get upset about autism?  Yup, I did last night, when he had been at his dad's all weekend, and came home immediately wanting the abc's and not making eye contact with me or caring that I was in the room.

I wanted to shed a light on autism and help you understand that….

1.  It is not him being a 4 year old (I am told this all the time)
2.  It is not a phase
3.  It is not bad parenting (rude people at restaurants)
4.  He will not 'grow out' of things
5.  Yelling at him and spanking him will not stop a melt down (rude people at Target who told me to do that- yup they did)

Here is what I do know….

Autism is a developmental disorder that affects social interaction and communication.  It lasts throughout a person's life.  It does not 'go away with time or age.'  It can not be cured.  It can not be 'handled' the way you and I typically view and handle discipline.  So, my family has had to read books, go to trainings, and completely change our way of thinking in order to help Jack be successful.  No two children with autism are the same.  It is certainly helpful to know other people with an autistic child- support and hugs are always welcome because there are definitely similarities.

Here is our morning from 7-10 a.m.

Now, after a year and a half of school and speech therapy- Jack can say 'cereal', 'pop tart', or point and say 'this one.'  It has made life so much easier.

Meltdown because he can't have chips for breakfast (although they did sound good to me as well).  This is where most people tell me oh he's being a little kid- yes it sounds very typical at this age, but when it happens in 10 years, people will go oooooh.  This is where ABA training comes in.  Which is good training for any child, or husband, or co-worker, LOL!  Ignore the bad behavior and keep with the demand.  Give tons of positive reinforcement when following a demand the first time or having good behavior.  It works, but has taken our family quite a long time to fully understand and implement.  

Sitting correctly and eating!

Some people with autism have a preferred interest.  Jack's is the alphabet.  He can become very obsessed so I incorporate other activities throughout the day that have nothing to do with the alphabet.  I also have him practice leaving the alphabet to do something else- this works on transitioning.  He has an extremely hard time transitioning.

I came back from taking those pictures to this.  Back to the table, buddy.  We don't let Jack sit anywhere else because when you do it one time he thinks he can all the time.  We have him sit in his chair, on his bottom at every meal.  He doesn't understand 'just this once.'  He needs absolute consistency when it comes to life skills.

Lately, he only wants to drink out of this nalgene, but I give him several different cups because a blue nalgene will not always be available for him.  This is where I think Parenthood the TV show is wrong- the boy with autism only wants eggs out of the orange pan.  You have to teach them to not be so rigid, if you want them to be successful in other environments.  

I tell him I love him every second of the day.  He looked right at me and said…. more cereal.  At least he made eye contact- he's doing so much better with that.

We had to pick up Jon and Ellie at the car dealership- he was not happy about leaving his preferred activity.

I kept the demand despite his major meltdown, attempts at biting, hitting, and screaming.  (Again, lots of moms endure this with a young child, but this happens almost every time we transition) There are ways to improve transitions and they are successful.  He tends to regress in the summer when he has more free time and rarely has to leave his activity.  This is where running errands or going to the park is helpful and gives him practice.

Not sure if you are still reading, but wanted to shed some light on autism.  For the lady who talked bad about me in a restaurant last week (loud enough so that I could hear) and the couple in Target who told me to spank him:  shame on you.  I just smiled and moved on because I love Jesus and am not going to dignify them with a response in front of our children.

Life is hard with autism, but we are NOT ALONE.  I share my frustration and tears, moments of joy, triumph, and clarity with the LORD.  He sees us through all of our difficult times and will come back for us one day.  Until then, I will tell Jack everyday that not only do I love him but GOD loves him even more.